I Caught Him Cleaning The Oven With Toilet Paper

I think something has happened to me lately. I seem unable to string the most basic of sentences together and feel very 'ham-tongued' as the expression goes. I have also lost my glasses, a black hold-all, a cloth 'smoking-jacket' and a copy of Wuthering Heights. Gir.

I realised with a shudder that I spend a frightening amount of money on magazines, close to £20 a week on occasion, and as such I am taking drastic measures to cut back. Nae excuse.

And what the devil is the script with Brigitte Bardot? She takes my breath away with how beautiful she is. You never see lassies stoating about Shettleston with hair like that no more.

You, Hot Tub, Drown

I had all but forgotten about this little mofo. I am currently listening to 'Sloop John B' by Johnny Cash and it's rotten. The Beach Boys do it a gazillion times better.

So, in between my last post and now, a number of things have happened. I am now residing at my old location, Sandyhills, for the next wee while. I still work in the same job, working all the hours God sends in order to have more money to waste, I am still at Glasgow Yoony, I still have brown eyes and white skin, although my hair is darker and I have a little fringe.

Reprinted With(out) Permission

20 some years is a long walk
even if it's not in a straight line
you see a lot of things in the distance
y'know what they say about great minds
you and I think about the same things
dream the same dreams play the same games
we started out in the same place,
believe it or not we've got the same names.
Everything happens for a good cause
whether it be victory or loss
and the road may turn into a runway
but you'll know what to do someday
trust me I've seen it all before
I've climbed to the tops of the tallest trees
to get away from the deep water
to find a touch of the smallest breeze
go find the girl with a low voice
who holds the world in her bare hands
you'll fall in love, you'll have no choice
once you are given a fair chance.
For the first time you will sleep well
take a deep breath, see the sun shine
hold on to her for dear life
and then watch the whole world unwind.
Ask her to show you some magic
and I guarantee that she'll say yes
tell her that "you've seen forever
and we will be together not a day less."
Just know until that time comes
and after you've crossed that first mile
that the hardest part is behind you
and all of the pain only worth while.

From storm clouds come angels
let pain give you pleasure
from dirt grows the flower
when faith can't be measured.

Anyone who's spent more than about 40 minutes in my company will know I adore Buck 65,
but it wasn't until I was listening to him on Sheila this morning that I realised just how incredible a songwriter he is. I urge anyone to listen to him, please. I was just thinking 'if someone played me, for example Indestructible Sam, for the first time today I think I would fall to my knees and weep uncontolably.

Anyhoo, it was my birthday yesterday! It was a fairly subdued affair as far as birthdays go, on account of the fact I was workin (another day, another doll hair) but I made up for it this morning, let me tell you. I bought myself a bacon, egg and cheese bagel from McDonalds, which I tucked into with gusto, topping the whole experience off with a pair of mittens from H&M at the measly price of a pound! (correction, 97 pence, thanks to the tax cuts) I know it sounds daft but I did feel quite cool wearning them. I really think anyone who has the opportunity to do so should trot along and buy a pair, available in both black and cream. I recommend black, as I think the cream ones, when exposed to a modern lifestyle, would quickly become bogging.

We Came Upon A Blog

After having the devil's own job in trying to find out how to actually post to this bloody thing, I've finally returned, so all 2 readers (myself included) can finally sleep at night.

I've returned to my parent's house for the purposes of writing an essay, but dang it, I can't concentrate for all the tea in China. I'm honestly seconds away from jacking the whole thing in. No-one will entertain a General Humanities MA anyway.

Even You Have To Win Sometimes, Dear.....

As I type, it's 09.41am, and I feel frightfully sick. I need to start watching what I eat, and having regular meals at set times. Kidding on, I don't.

Everything I touch turns to shite sooner or later, but I've decided this isn't to happen anymore. Everything in my life is going pretty much how I want it to, and I'm unbelievably grateful to whoever is responsible. Last night was fantastic, spent in the Buff club with Yvonne and Sandy, in honour of Yvonne being born exactly 22 years ago, to the night.

Recently I've spent a king's ransom on clothes, each item nicer than the one preceding it. I'm currently bidding on a dress from ebay that makes my heart flutter. I can honestly say, hand on heart, that no matter how much I have to pay for it, that dress will be on my back by this time next week.

I've been listening to a lot of Otis Redding this morning, 'You Left The Water Running' is splendid, I'm thoroughly enjoying myself listening to it. Perhaps because I was in Buff last night, I woke up in the mood for soul. Stevie Wonder will be next on my Youtube jukebox methinks.